Understanding what to expect as a person goes through the dying process can help family members and friends cope with an emotional and frightening experience.
What happens when a person dies? What can family members and friends expect as the dying process occurs? What changes will the body undergo as the organs shut down?
These are all common questions that family members and friends may wonder about when a loved one's death is imminent.
Understanding what to expect and understanding what changes occur as death occurs can help the dying person's loved ones to cope and prepare for the death.
Virginia Blake has worked in hospice for more than two decades and through her work with dying patients, she's learned what physical changes and behaviors to expect as a person dies. In an interview with Suite101, Blake discussed what to expect as the organs shut down and the dying process occurs.
The Skin Will Get Cold as a Person Dies
As death approaches, the dying person's circulatory system will begin to shut down. First, the extremities will become cool to the touch because the warm blood is not flowing into the extremities at a normal rate. As the dying process advances, the entire body will feel cool to the touch because the blood flow and circulation to the skin's surface is decreased.
The Person Will Sleep for Increasing Periods of Time
As the body systems begin to slow and shut down, the process of death advances and the dying person will start to sleep more and more. Increased sleep is a natural part of dying. In many cases, the individual will fall asleep and as the body's organ systems reach the final stages of the shutting down process, the person will lose the ability for consciousness, essentially going into a coma. A short time later, breathing and the heart beat will slow and then gradually come to a stop as the person peacefully slips away.
Intake of Food and Drink Will Decrease and/or Stop
As death occurs and as the organ systems stop functioning, the body will stops requiring food and drink. Therefore, a patient will usually stop eating, sometimes several days before death occurs. Food and drink should always be made available to ensure comfort, but it's not unusual to see a lack of appetite.
Disorientation and Apparent Confusion During the Dying Process
At the end of life, many people will become seemingly disoriented and confused. This can occur due to the increased toxins in the blood from the shut-down of organs like the kidneys. It's also believed that decreased circulation plays a role, as this results in a loss of normal blood supply to the brain. The oxygen-deprived brain creates a state of disorientation and the dying person may appear to not be "with it."
In addition, Blake explained, "It's widely accepted that many people experience pre-death visions shortly before the time of death. Many people report speaking with deceased loved ones and divine entities like Jesus or God. Of course, the precise nature of these visions are unknown. Some say the pre-death visions are a function of the dying brain."
Loss of Bladder/Bowel Control During and After Death
As the body approaches the time of death and the person begins to lose awareness, it's not uncommon to see a loss of bladder or bowel control. A loss of bladder/bowel control is also common shortly after death occurs, as the body's muscles begin to relax.
As the kidneys and other organs shut down, it's also not uncommon to see a decrease in bathroom activities in the days leading up to the moment of death.
Supporting and Comforting a Dying Person
There are many things that family members and friends can do to help comfort a person during the dying process. Simply sitting with and speaking to the dying family member or friend can be immensely comforting. Hearing is one of the last senses to remain intact, even if the individual cannot respond, they can still sense others' presence. So recalling memories, singing, praying or just speaking in a comforting way to the dying person can be helpful.
Family members are also encouraged to "give permission" or reassurance to the dying person that they will do their best to cope and continue to live life even after the loved one's death.
For those who cannot be at a person's side during the process of death, phone calls can be helpful as a way to say "goodbye." Many dying people are thought to wait, fighting off death until they receive that last farewell from close family members and friends. Even if the dying person cannot respond, the phone can be held up to the patient's ear, allowing him/her to hear the caller's voice.
The dying process is an event that every person must one day experience. Understanding what will happen as the organs shut down and as the body dies can provide comfort to the dying person and his/her loved ones during a frightening and emotional time.
The copyright of the article What Happens When We Die? in Caregiver Support is owned by Mia Carter. Permission to republish What Happens When We Die? in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Thank you. We lost a family member this afternoon. You've described what
she was going through. Understanding that she was in no pain was very
helpful to us in this time of loss
Jan 9, 2009 8:56 PM
Guest :
That was my condern. - pain My husband had renal cell carcinoma with
tumors throughout his body. I had tried so hard to keep him pain free for
26 months. The last two days he didn't communicate and I just wondered if
he had a lot of pain. Hospice was involved so I hope the medications gave
him some comfort. So, so hard for a family to watch.
Mar 9, 2009 9:51 AM
Guest :
My beautiful granny is laying here dying, its so so hard to watch she is
now in a coma and its like shes already gone she just isent the super
granny i knew anymore :( I dont know how to fell what to think there
is nothing i can do but keep her comfy thankyou for this it helps a bit
everything you say has happened to my granny i would love to know if its
true that the hearing is the last thing to go. I wanna know that she can
hear me singing to her and taking to her and loving her.
Mar 13, 2009 1:13 AM
Guest :
Everything described above was exactly how my grandpa passed. It was
peaceful. I would just like to add that even though the person may not be
conscious, they can still hear. My grandpa would not open his eyes, but he
would squeeze our hands to respond to our questions. I have heard hearing
is the last to go, so whisper in their ears one last time and tell them you
love them.
Jun 8, 2009 7:54 AM
Guest :
Hospice, hospice, hospice. I can't say enough about how helpful,
comforting and supportive it is to have hospice involved in a loved ones
illness and death. Hospice is NOT for only the last days of someone's
life. The sooner those care givers get involved the more they can do.
Aug 6, 2009 2:29 PM
Guest :
My mother-in-law is laying on her death-bed as we speak. She has stage 4
cancer and was expected to leave us in June. She's 82 and strong as an ox.
My family calls with updates everyday and the things they report are the
same as you'ver stated above. She no longer eats, sleeps more than 22 hours
a day and when awake is disoriented and confused. Hopsice has been there
for us and we appreciate them immensely. They amount of care they give a
complete stranger is phenomenal! Thank you for your support!
Aug 27, 2009 3:51 AM
Guest :
Thank you so much for this information. My dad is all yellow from his
liver giving out and has not eaten for 5 days now and has been in a coma
going on 4 days. I am glad to know that the hearing is the last to go so
he can hear everyone. Hospice is so great and they let us know this
information, my brother was thinking he had to yell in his ear rather than
to talk softly. He is dying from cancer of the throat and stomach. Only
63 years old and I am very sad. Im am so surprised that he has been
sleeping for 4 days without waking up. There is nothing left of him. We
have moved him some and that is the only time we have gotten any kind of
reaction. Pain in his face. I just hope and pray that he is comfortable.
I had alot of questions and reading the answers on this site is so helpful
to me! Hospice is so wonderful, I can't say enough about them.
Sep 8, 2009 7:17 PM
Guest :
My mother, I feel did not have a peaceful dying experience. She knew she
was dying, and told me not to go crazy when she died. She was 81 years old.
Right after she found out she had stage four lung cancer,( she stopped
smoking when she was fifty), she went down hill. I called hospice to help
me with her. She did all of the dying process, but as I waited in nearby
room, I could hear deep sounds coming from her throat, it was almost like
hearing an awful sound coming out of a well. I held my ears for a long
time, and I am forty nine years old. I truly felt that she was suffering
and scared. Her heart stopped twice and her eyes opened wide like looking
at the ceiling for minute, and then she shut them for the last time. I felt
that she struggled to stay alive there for the last week. I took part in
all of this, watching, and waiting. Hoping she would have gone peacefully
like the person she was. Is it true that the human body goes through all
these sounds before death? It was horrifying .
Sep 28, 2009 3:49 PM
Guest :
Thank you for this site. My husband just passed away after his battle with
heart disease & diabetes. A year ago he had a heart-attack right after
our marriage and he wasnt the same after. He didn't know a lot and he
wouldn't listen to us. We knew that it was only a matter of time, but it
still suprised us because we hadn't known that his digestive organs were
already dying. This site helped me have peace in knowing that everything
went accordingly. The hardest part was watching his chest continue to rise
and fall after he died, because of the breathing machine still attached --
it kind of gave us false hope although we knew better.
Sep 29, 2009 9:07 AM
Guest :
My grandfather had lung cancer when I was 10 years old, and was treated and
went into remission, only to have it return 10 years later. By the time it
was noticed the second time around, there was nothing that could be done
but to accomodate him and make him as comfortable as possible; the cancer
was too far progressed and aggressive and had taken up 90% of his liver,
his entire left lung, lower portions of his back, and suspicious spots in
the brain. As anyone who experiences a close loved one dying knows, your
head is racing with all kinds of thoughts. You wonder if you did the right
things, if you could have done anything different or more, if you could
have done something better, if you should have done something else. You
also wonder how the loved one feels/felt. Were they really in pain? Were
they really comfortable? What were they thinking? How did they feel?
Were they really OK? How did they feel about my presence? These are only
a few of the questions that plague us for some time during and after the
death of a loved one. After reading this article, in a sense, all of those
questions were answered for me, which is a very comforting feeling and
reassurance. Even though I have a strong faith which provides me with the
spiriual insight of a matter such as death, I was able to obtain knowledge
of the physical aspect of this process as well, and I really feel at peace
now. I realize I did all that I could in my power, and my grandfather knew
it and it meant a lot to him, even on days where he couldn't communicate as
well or as much as others, and that even though he seemed like he was
unaware at times of our presence, he knew we were there, and that helped
him more than anything ever would have, and that means the most to me
knowing that and that I did the right things. There is not a day that goes
by that I do not think about him or feel his presence, and he knows that
too.
Nov 4, 2009 2:42 PM
Guest :
Yesterday we layed our hero to rest....My Grandad. After living a
healthy life with no illness for 81 years, he then got skin cancer, throat
cancer, hd 3heart attacks and a triple heart bypass. Eventually, after
fighting everything he was dealt with,squamous cell carncinoma finally
claimed his life. On the 19.10.09, Jesus visited my house and when he left,
he took my grandad with him. He died so peacefully at home with us all
around him, reminding how much we loved him and what a wonderful man he had
been throughout his life. The time from diagnosis to death was 5 months
which we are so grateful for. Watching my nan also die of cancer for 3
years bedridden was sheer heartache. We take comfort in the fact that at
lest he didnt suffer for long. The doctors and nurses warned us on
diagnosis that he nay be in a lot of pain and immediatly prescribed
oramorph. Up until 2 weeks before he died, he was still only taking
co-codamol for the pain. It was only in the later days, say the last 2
weeks that we decided it was time to give him the morphine. He had become
disorientated and confused and we believe that he finally accepted he could
no longer fight this and he would be leaving us soon, which upset him. My
beautiful nan has waited for him for 13 years, now their back together,
where they should be, in heaven looking down on us all. Yesterday was a
hard day for us all, but also one that gave us pride in the fact he had
such a good send off and would have been proud of all we had done for him.
My aunt and I decided to bend tradition a little and helped carry his
coffin along with my brother and 3 uncles. Im sure a few eyebrows must have
been raised as obviously women do not usually do this, but our view was, we
walked with him in life, we'll walk with him right to to very end. It has
given me a new prospective in life now, death is a part of living, it
doesnt have to be all doom and gloom, they are returning to where they were
sent frm, free of pain and suffering and with the ones they love, what more
could a person ask for? Rest in Peace Grandad Fred, we loves ya
Oct 28, 2008
