Family Caregivers and Connection

Caregivers keep alive the opportunity for genuine connection between selves and loved ones. For patients, this can be more life-sustaining than the food they eat.

As illness progresses, the patient’s world gets smaller. Real moments of connection between people are sometimes all that matters of what is left. For a caregiver, these moments can be healing too, especially if the relationship has been rocky. Moments of connection can be defined simply as when an inner truth is revealed by one person's words or actions, that is heard, received and genuinely accepted by the other.

Anyone contemplating the questions of death and connection, should read Mitch Albom’s Tuesday’s With Morrie (NY: Doubleday, 1997). Morrie lived a purposeful life right up until he died. His life and death were meaningful - for himself and for others – because he expressed his love for and interest in others who came into contact with him, all his life and during his illness. He sought to bring and keep them in his world during the process of his dying.

It’s a risk, reaching out to others like he did. People risk rejection when they do this. They make themselves vulnerable. The risk runs both ways. Morrie took this risk, but so did his former student, Mitch, who reconnected with Morrie knowing he was dying. Mitch could have closed himself off to prevent feeling the sadness of the loss he knew was coming. But instead he opened up and moved toward Morrie, strengthening their connection. This enriched both their lives, and it made the loss of Morrie more difficult for Mitch to bear.

Connection can even be possible in the case of dementia or Alzheimer’s, where the person the caregiver knew is slowly lost over time. This was beautifully expressed by Jack, a caregiver, in the Caregiver.com article, ‘Alzheimer's: She Wanted Two Kisses’ by Gwendolyn de Geest.

Caregivers keep hope for meaningful connection alive.