Family Caregivers and End of Life

Caregiving those at the end of life can provide healing moments for both caregiver and care recipient, and can answer questions about the meaning of life.

A long time ago I read somewhere that fear of dying was not fear of death, it was fear of a life not well lived. Those facing old age or end of life illness are facing more than just physical symptoms; they are coming to grips with life and how they lived it. Whether they acknowledge it aloud or not, there it is.

A family caregiver has to deal with her own feelings about what is happening to the patient and what is happening to herself as a result of the patient's illness. The feelings can be complicated for both parties. There can and will be conflict and difficult moments.

Caregivers themselves may be at the age when they are doing their own life reviews too. Caregivers of any age may feel that caregiving responsibilities are pulling them off of the track they wanted their lives to take, and that they are missing opportunities for a meaningful life. Others may feel trapped in a role that they would never have chosen but yet, ironically, it expresses who they are and what they value. Others may feel that they are making an important difference in someone’s life, maybe for the first time.

Through my psychotherapeutic work with people I have come to believe that many people judge whether or not their lives are well-lived by how connected they have felt - to others, to the world, to their Creator, to their true inner selves, and to their purpose.

Caregiving is about connection with others. Whether they are providing care themselves, arranging for the care, or just visiting, caregivers are keeping the chance for meaningful connection between two people alive, even when it can be difficult to do so. This may be their most important role.