Health Care Planning & Elder Law

Money, death, power and equity: these entities are fought over, avoided, or the cause of major conflict in families; but these issues must be faced when illness strikes.

One of the family issues most fought over is money.

One of the most avoided topics of conversation in families is death.

One factor in most family struggles is power.

One of the most contentious issues in sibling rivalry is equity.

Health care planning is nothing if it is not about these four horsemen: money, death, power and equity.

Health care planning is critical if families are to retain power over their finances and the medical care received by their loved one if he or she becomes incapacitated. However, sometimes trying to do the right thing can cause conflict, avoidance, fear, suspicion and arguments among family members.

This is why it is so important to consult a good elder law attorney. Spouses should do this together. However, if it is left to the adult children, there may be differences of opinion so the attorney becomes even more critical. This neutral party will be able to supply the family with objective facts, as well as logical, well-reasoned, advice.

It can be important to include everyone around the table with the attorney because when people get left out they often feel suspicious. Family members need to feel that they have access to the same information as everyone else, as well as to the person giving it.

Although this process can cause upset or discomfort, it can be done with patience in a loving way. Keep revisiting the issue. Keep trying. Agreements may not be reached over night but persistence pays off.

Considering the emotionality around these issues, family caregivers should remember to pat themselves on the back if and when they get these legal matters in place, It's just one more courageous thing family caregivers do.